Prospective Wife Program™

Minimum Qualifications

• RHas completed Attack on Titan
• RMust be a female. No exceptions. Don't even ask.
• REmotionally stable enough to handle being a wife for a boring guy
• RCan tolerate bad jokes on a recurring basis
• RCan cook at least one decent meal
• RDoes not pretend to like something just to appease others
• RCan shut up and listen occasionally
• RIs not afraid of the occasional awkward silence
• OWilling to rewatch AoT if required(Optional)

R = Required  ·  O = Optional but strongly preferred

What You Get

Compensation package for accepted candidates. Subject to change without notice.

• 1Unlimited access to judgements on different people
• 2Life advice that may or may not be helpful
• 3A partner who will never ask for anything in return (except maybe some food)
• 4A safe space to vent about your day without judgment (even if you're the one doing all the venting)
• 5A partner who will never steal the covers (probably)
• 6Lifelong commitment to a relationship that may or may not be fulfilling, but will definitely be interesting
• 7Chance to meet new people through me (but don't expect too much, I'm not exactly a social butterfly)
• 8The opportunity to be part of a groundbreaking internal program with no clear goals or structure
• 9Access to a curated collection of strong opinions about things that ultimately don't matter
• 10Someone who will always tell you the truth, even when you didn't ask
• 11A reliable source of silence during important moments and commentary during unimportant ones
• 12...and much more! Benefits are subject to change without notice and may not be as advertised. But hey, it's worth a shot, right?

Benefits are non-transferable and not guaranteed to be beneficial.

Application Form

All fields marked * are mandatory. Incomplete applications will be silently discarded.